You’re a mom, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother…some of you are all of the above. You’re everything in more ways than one. You are everything to everyone, and if you think about it, you’re the constant center. Everything revolves around you, but we find ourselves revolving around the ones we love. We spend most of our days making sure they are taken care of, and we carve out what we call “me” time. That little time of space that we get for ourselves out of 24 hours a day to relax or simply take a break. If you’re the center, how did you get on the outside? How do you get back to being centered and in control of your life? What’s stopping you?
To reach the point of prosperity, you have to understand what is stopping you from achieving your goals or slowing down the process. For me, it came down to five things:
Self-discipline, Self-motivation, Self-regulation, Self-respect, and Self-esteem.
The most important one out of all these, for me, is Self-regulation. I feel that if you don’t have Self-regulation first, it’s hard to learn or practice the others. Harvard Business Review: Emotional Intelligence describes Self-regulation as controlling or redirecting disruptive emotions and impulses.
According to verywellmind.com, another way of thinking of self-regulation is:
In its most basic form, self-regulation allows us to bounce back from failure and stay calm under pressure. These two abilities will carry you through life more than other skills.
Not only do I practice self-regulation daily, but I make sure that everyone around me knows that this is how I operate. They don’t have to understand, but they have to respect it. A while ago, someone told me that I always seem to disregard or that I’m nonchalant when it comes to certain situations. I didn’t want them to be confused, so I told them that their emergency is not going to be my emergency, their frustration wasn’t going to be my frustration, their chaos was not going to be my chaos. When you are in self-regulation mode, you don’t join the drama. You still love the person, but you both can’t be in the same state of behavior because that would be called self-destruction.
If you’re engaging in disruptive behavior, that’s what’s stopping you. I’m not saying you won’t get into disagreements with others, but some of you are taking it way beyond a level that helps no one, especially you.
If you’re only carving out a few minutes for “me time,” that’s what’s stopping you. You spend hours on others every day…give yourself more time to plan and execute your life plan.
It’s not selfish to think about you and what you want or need.
Lastly, check your emotions daily. I’ve provided a checklist below. Remember, the only person that can stop you from being who you’re supposed to be is you.
Yours in Transparency,
Deborah Flemming Bradley