When I was a little girl, my dream career was to be a cheerleader. I watched football games with my dad and watched the cheerleaders on the sidelines while watching the game. When I was in high school, I tried out for the Varsity Cheerleading Team. During that time, I was one out of two first-year students who made the basketball cheerleading squad. I was so excited, and on top of that, I was a flyer! I was literally on top of the world. I had fulfilled a “lifetime” goal at 14, and I felt so empowered. But what if I told you I wasn’t always on top of the world? What if I told you that my senior year of high school almost ended horribly? I was at practice, and while we were doing “stunts,” I was doing what we call a “toe touch basket toss.” My base team “tossed” me into the air the highest I have ever flown, but when I came down, I was off-centered, and I hit the gym floor instead of the base team catching me.
I had fallen forward, so my head and body-slammed on the hardwood. I was rushed to the hospital and had emergency surgery to repair a broken arm, shattered elbow, and dislocated wrist. I was out of school for weeks, and I was devastated because I wanted to be a college cheerleader and the chances of even trying out were very bleak. Life at that point was over for me, and I cried every day because my power was my athleticism, and now it was all gone!
Have you ever achieved something that you set out to do, and then have it taken away from you? How did you feel about yourself? Were you in despair like I was? Was your confidence shattered? Did your self-esteem drop a little, or did it crash and burn?
One day during a self-pity moment, I realized that if I really wanted to cheer, I would take action to do so instead of wallering in my unfortunate accident. I looked at my calendar and saw that it was eight weeks before the basketball season. I told myself that I didn’t come this far in my “cheer career” to end up with my senior year as a bust. My rehabilitation therapist encouraged me that if I wanted to get back to normal activities, I would have to stop being scared and push myself to be strong again. That meant more strengthening exercises, and the recovery would be more painful but would rebuild my arm to almost 100% range of motion. See, at the time, my arm was healing at a 90-degree angle and secured in a brace. At this point, I couldn’t straighten my arm. Determined not to have a bent arm for the rest of my life, I had to lift heavyweights. This is where every emotional state I had would be tested, and I braced myself for all that was to come.
Week 1: The nurse takes my arm brace off, and my arm is limp like a noodle. The muscle is gone, and there’s nothing but torn ligaments trying to heal from the surgery.
It’s painful, and I have to use my opposite hand to move my right arm.
Week 2: My first time trying to write. I cry because I felt like I was in kindergarten, learning how to write the Alphabet for the first time.
Week 3: Squeezing a ball, and it doesn’t hurt as much.
Week 4: I’m using 2lb weights
Week 5: We increase to 5lb weights
Week 6: I’m back in school, and I have to wear a sling, but I’m feeling good about myself and my progress. I only have two weeks before the basketball season. I try 10lb weights, and my arm extends fully straight from its heaviness. I go to cheer practice and watch the squad prepare for the season.
Week 7: I’m cleared to practice, but no stunts.
Week 8: I put on my cheer uniform, and I head to the first game of the season.
I learned early in that stage of my life that I don’t control life…it simply happens. So no matter what is going on in the world, I continue to build upon my strengths, which there are many and the things that make me happy. Cheerleading made me happy, and it was that one thing that started my high self-esteem journey.
What was that one thing that empowered you when you were young? Do you carry that feeling with you now? If not, what changed, and did you find it again later on in life? If not, let me help you find it.
“8 Steps to Improving Your Self-Esteem”
What is the story you tell yourself?
1. Be mindful
By simply becoming aware of our negative self-talk, we begin to distance ourselves from the feelings it brings up. This enables us to identify with them less.
2. Change the story.
We all have a narrative or a story we’ve created about ourselves that shapes our self-perceptions, upon which our core self-image is based.
3. Avoid falling into the compare-and-despair rabbit hole.
“Two key things I emphasize are to practice acceptance and stop comparing yourself to others,” says psychotherapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW. “I emphasize that just because someone else appears happy on social media or even in person doesn’t mean they are happy. Comparisons only lead to negative self-talk, which leads to anxiety and stress.” Feelings of low self-worth can negatively affect your mental health and other areas in your life, such as work, relationships, and physical health.
4. Channel your inner rock star.
Recognize what your strengths are and the feelings of confidence they engender, especially in times of doubt. It’s easy to make generalizations when you “mess up” or “fail” at something, but reminding yourself of the ways you rock offers a more realistic perspective of yourself.
5. Exercise.
Many studies have shown a correlation between exercise and higher self-esteem, as well as improved mental health. “Exercising creates empowerment both physical and mental,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress.
6. Do unto others.
Hershenson suggests volunteering to help those who may be less fortunate. “Being of service to others helps take you out of your head. When you can help someone else, it makes you less focused on your own issues.”
7. Forgiveness.
Is there is someone in your life you haven’t forgiven? An ex-partner? A family member? Yourself? By holding on to feelings of bitterness or resentment, we keep ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity.
8. Remember that you are not your circumstances.
Finally, learning to differentiate between your circumstances and who you are is key to self-worth. We are all born with infinite potential and equal worth as human beings. That we are anything less is a false belief that we have learned over time. Therefore, with hard work and self-compassion, self-destructive thoughts and beliefs can be unlearned.
And as for me, that young girl who thought being a cheerleader was everything is now cheering for herself!
Yours in Prosperity,
Deborah Flemming Bradley