In my season of separation, I learned three things:
- Separation is not about secluding yourself away from people physically.
- It’s about moving your mind away from your self-limiting beliefs, fear, and doubts.
- Being patient with your processing because “unlearning” your self-limiting beliefs is very uncomfortable.
So, let’s start with number one. Separation is not about secluding yourself from people physically when trying to become the best possible version of yourself. Also, it’s not to be confused with isolation. When you move away from people long enough, it becomes isolation, and you will look around, and no one will be there for you when you return. When we are going through rough times, many of us tend to say, “I don’t have anyone to turn to.” Everyone has left or is gone. But who left? You mistook your separation for isolation. Many of us suffer because we always move away from what we don’t want instead of moving toward what we want. We spend a lot of time saying, “I don’t want to do this or that anymore,” instead of focusing on the goals that will eventually move us from an undesirable situation if we focus on what we want.
For example, my dad was a drill sergeant in the United States Army. He was orderly and strict. There were rules not to be broken, and I followed the rules until I was exposed to my best friend’s parents, who were very liberal and relaxed. I always thought if I strayed away from my dad’s rules, I would never be the great person he was to me. He was strong, successful, and the most amazing person in my life. I took on his persona and mannerisms because he was winning in life, and I wanted to be just like him! Now, my best friend during our childhood was smart, beautiful, and had an easy-going spirit. Her parents allowed her to be free with her decisions and actions. I was always intense, and she was always “chill.” My bedroom was neat and clean. Her bedroom was always messy and cluttered. As we grew up together, she was outgoing and popular, and I loved her for being that way. I was reserved and quiet, and it drove her crazy. I longed to be “free” like her, but my mind said that’s not how you’re supposed to be. I thought it was only one way to be in life, but she showed me differently.
Number two. It’s about moving your mind away from your self-limiting beliefs, fear, and doubts. What are self-limiting beliefs? These are assumptions that hold you back from achieving your goals. It all starts when you’re young and growing up. You see, hear, and feel experiences that are happening in the world you live in. We all have our separate worlds from the day we are born, and our lives have been shaped by people, such as our parents, teachers, or even older siblings and family members, who are constantly in our lives. All these people who have formed your mindset had theirs formed when they were a child. It’s a constant cycle of generational traditions and curses.
When I married and had children, my self-limiting beliefs would take a toll on me. I cared so much about the judgement from other parents; my kids would say to me, “You are so mean.” Even one of my son’s friends said, “Give him a break; he’s just a kid.” I was strict like my dad, and nothing could be out of order in my life, including my babies, who were trying to be happy-go-lucky kids. So, when my kids would try to be carefree, it would irritate me because I didn’t know how to be “free.” They were trying to live what we call “Your best life,” I was stressing out because “Your best life” is being clean, orderly, inline, and serious. I didn’t know how to be “carefree” because that was not instilled in my life. Yes, I had fun, but not unlimited wild and crazy fun. I didn’t know how to relax, even when it was appropriate to let go and let GOD.
Lesson #3. Be patient with your processing because “unlearning” your self-limiting beliefs is very uncomfortable.
So, here’s how I navigated my season of separation:
First, I began to make changes in my daily habits by starting my day off with a “bold” confirmation by Jim Rohn. It was “Be strong, not rude. Be kind, but not weak. Be bold, but don’t bully. Be humble but not shy. Be proud, but not arrogant.”
Secondly, I released my inner athlete. I began to work out consistently and challenged myself to set a personal record daily. Even if it was by one more lift or point, I still won because that’s what winners do. This was the start of building strong mental health as well. I could think more clearly. Also, I incorporated meditation daily and learned how to control my breathing and relax. All of the tension and aggression began to fade away.
Thirdly, I chose my mentor/coach, who helped me with my thought processes, and how to see what something means instead of my assumptions and perceptions taking over my mind. For example, when I was making mistakes in life and feeling like a failure, those failures ended up with me making money simultaneously. I was winning but sitting in misery because who associates failure with success? Check out my video “There’s Money in the Mess Up.” Failing became my friend.
Lastly, I began to face my fears. Fear can freeze you solid. My best friend growing up, was fearless. She attracted opportunities because she always thought about the best that could happen, not the worst. I get up excited every day because I know something great will happen; what’s the worst that can happen? Not waking up is the worst thing. Living life is what I choose to do, and it has no limitations.
So, here’s what I want you to do. Answer the following questions:
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
What would happen if you asked for what you wanted and needed in life?
What would happen if you stopped talking about your dreams and took action to make those dreams a reality?
In Tim Grover’s book, W1NNING, he states this about SEPARATION:
“It’s about moving away from yourself, changing your own limiting beliefs and habits, your insecurities and fears, and creating new expectations and values…putting new demands on yourself, and shutting out the noise…and creating new levels in everything you do.”
Reaching Your Point to Prosperity,
Deborah Flemming Bradley